How We’re Doing

Posted by Bob Greenberger on September 5, 2008

We’ve been receiving a lot of calls and e-mails asking how we’re holding up.

The answer is: as well as one can expect.

Deb and I both aren’t feeling 100% as yet and we seem to be taking turns going through rough patches. Fortunately, for the most part we ‘re able to sleep, something we couldn’t say for the first week.

The odd thing is despite the ceremonial aspects of his passing, it still feels unreal, as if he remains away at school. We look around the house and there remain so many Robbie touches that anything might trigger a reaction. As his friends were leaving for school, several stopped by to say goodbye and we let them rummage through his stuff for mementoes. Now we have a room full of stuff that needs dealing with.

We’ve also been going through the mechanical aspects of his passing. A few phone calls and we managed to shut off his credit card and cell phone. We’ve cashed in his savings bonds and are in the process of closing his bank account. Such simple little things and bit by bit, we’re taking him off the grid.

The outpouring of support has been wonderful and a pleasant treat. The cards keep coming and with them come many memories of Robbie that brighten our day a little. We got a nice list of people who made donations to The Tommy Fund which has been terrific and we still get flowers.

Deb visited the gravesite yesterday and found someone had planted some flowers there in addition to the rose plant Kate placed. Later that day, she got a ride from a neighbor and by coincidence, she was the very person responsible.

It’s odd. We anticipate sending the kids to college or the arrival of a milestone such as graduation so when the big day arrives, we’re ready. This came with such suddenness there was no way to prepare to be done saving for college, done with going to 7-West everyday, and make the transition to full time empty nesters. That lack of preparation probably has something to do with the way we feel.

We’re trying to create new routines and habits that are just for the two of us so his absence is less obvious so we’re taking regular walks with the dogs and trying to make certain to spend time together in different ways.

It’s very clear that the only real salve will be time so we’re…managing.